Divorce is not only emotionally and spiritually traumatic, but it is also financially and socially expensive. You may see your misunderstanding in this reader's marital conflict: "My husband and I have been married for over six years and together for eight," Angela explains in How to Leave Your Husband When You Don't Have Money. "I believe the root of our problem lies in me being employed while he stays at home with our son. I work full time and make enough to pay our bills but not enough to really save anything. He says that I don't contribute to our marriage because I don't want him to leave his job so we can be together all the time. Is there any hope for us?"
Angela has given her husband plenty of opportunity to be involved with their son and to build a relationship with him before asking him to quit his job so she can stay at home with them both. If she wanted a husband who could provide for her family, she should have made other arrangements before getting into marriage.
The fact is that jobs are not meant to be taken home from; they are meant to be done at work. In order for one spouse to stay at home with the children, someone else needs to take on the role of working outside the home. This person could be a parent who does not have custody of their own children, retired people who want to spend more time with their families, or even others who would like to make some extra cash by having a part-time job.
Control over whether your marriage will endure has been stripped away from you as a result of no-fault divorce legislation. Any sensible reasoning goes out the window when it comes to a midlife crisis and the urge for a divorce. Even your reasonable mental processes are affected. No-fault divorce removes any obligation you have to give reason for ending your marriage.
Ending a marriage is never easy, but with no-fault divorce, there is no right or wrong reason to leave your spouse. They don't need to be at fault to receive a divorce filing. This can lead to an extremely unstable environment for children involved in the divorce process. Children may see their parents being separated without permission from an authority figure such as a judge. This can have a negative impact on their need to trust others and their ability to form healthy relationships later in life.
No-fault divorce also affects your ability to remarry after your first divorce. If you want to marry someone else, they will need to agree to this marriage, regardless of how long you've been divorced or why you left your last relationship. You aren't required to explain yourself or your former partner to anyone other than your current spouse. In addition, they cannot ask questions about your previous marriages or seek information from your previous spouses.
Finally, no-fault divorce eliminates any possibility of your ex-wife or husband being awarded custody of your children.
However, I would argue that the most difficult aspect of the divorce process, regardless of how long the marriage was or how much assets had to be divided, is the fact that it is difficult to separate the emotions of the marriage and connection from the business of being divorced.
We have a tendency in this culture to view marriages as businesses and divorces as transactions. But if this were true, then we would hope that after the transaction is complete, both parties would move on with their lives. However, this isn't always the case. Sometimes one party may still be connected to the other even after the divorce has been finalized.
In order for there to be true healing and recovery, it is necessary to separate emotion from action. For example, if a husband has an affair while his wife is still married to him, she will need to decide whether or not to forgive her ex-husband. But if she cannot do so, then she will never be free of the emotional pain that comes with infidelity.
On the other hand, if she does choose to move on, then she will be able to get on with her life. She will stop dwelling on her past and focusing on her future.
The same thing goes for spouses who have affairs during their marriage. They too must decide whether or not to forgive their partners before moving on with their lives.
According to divorce attorneys and marital therapists, most couples' reason to stay married is money. If the marriage lasted a decade, an ex is eligible for a part of the spouse's Social Security payout, according to federal law. Even if the divorced person earns less than the other spouse, he or she can receive as much as one-half of the amount paid out annually. The divorced person also stands to gain from any retirement accounts held by his or her former partner.
Many couples decide to stay together for the benefits. Divorce can have serious financial consequences for someone who is not prepared for it, such as lost wages and unemployment benefits, reduced medical coverage, and damage to credit history. A spouse who is unable to find new employment may rely on the marriage's income. If that income drops too far, some families are forced into poverty.
In addition to money, some people choose to stay married because they want to affect how their children are raised. Some couples prefer to share parenting responsibilities or work out a fair division of labor when one parent wants to move away or take a job abroad. Others want to make sure they will be taken care of financially in old age.
Some people stay married because they feel like they need to give the appearance of being together. This may be due to social expectations or the fear of losing any rights to future payments from their former partner.
However, after ten years of marriage, divorce becomes more difficult because you've already merged many or all of your assets and responsibilities. You most likely have joint marital property by the 10-year mark, and you're well on your way to saving enough money in your retirement accounts for your elderly years. Divorce at this stage is not an easy thing to do.
The emotional aspect of divorce can be very difficult after ten years together. You know what you are doing, where you are going, and what needs to be done on a day-to-day basis. So it's hard for you to just walk away from each other emotionally. Also, since children are involved, there is usually some form of custody agreement or joint legal custody. This makes divorce even harder because now you have to think about how your actions will affect your children.
In addition, there is a good chance that you don't see yourself ever getting back together again. When marriages become long term, they tend to fall into one of two categories: happy or unhappy. If you're like most people, you want your marriage to be both happy and lasting. However, this isn't possible unless one of you changes or gives up something important.
For example, if your husband wants you to quit your job so he can stay home with the kids, this shows that he doesn't believe you should be able to make your own choices.